Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Contemporary Art Exhibition UB city

Here are some pictures of an on-going contemporary Indian art exhibition at UB city mall Bangalore. While it was great to bring together a collection of works from a collection of galleries across the country, I was a little disappointed with the overall quality of the work.

For being a 'contemporary' 'Indian' exhibition, I found the complexity of compositions, the use of abstraction, distortion, perspectives, dimension and most importantly, bringing in something that is uniquely Indian missing a bit for me. The paintings are in the affordable range from Ra 25,000 - Rs 5 lakhs. The most expensive one I saw was by a Malayali artist showcased by Sara Arrakal's gallery. Glad for the initiative, great to be in the midst of art but sadly, no "WOW! that blew my mind!" sorta moments typically experienced in the famed galleries of Europe and NY.


























































Sunday, May 22, 2011

"There is no Abstract Art"..

I have been reading some mind blowing art theory and have decided to type out some of the brilliant stuff here, so that I dont forget and it remains here for future reading. Also, any art lover out there can have a blast with this....I have always loved Picasso up until his obsession with the dog/ bird phase.....here are some excerpts from the mind of a genius.

Excerpts from "Conversations with Picasso" in Cahiers d'Art, Paris, 1935 published in the book "Art Theory 1900-2000" - A critique of Modernism....

"In the old days, pictures went forward towards completion by stages. Every day brought something new. A picture used to be sum of additions. In my case, a picture is a sum of destructions. I do a picture – then I destroy it. In the end though, nothing is lost; the red I took away from one place turns up somewhere else.

It would be very interesting to preserve photographically, not the stages but the metamorphosis of a picture. Possibly, one might then discover the path followed by the brain in materializing a dream. But there is a very odd thing – to notice that basically, a picture doesn’t change, that first ‘vision’ almost remains intact, in spite of appearances. I often ponder on a light and a dark when I put them into a picture, I try hard to break them up by interpolating a color that will create a different effect. When the work is photographed, I find that what I put in to correct my first ‘vision’ has disappeared, and that after all, the photographic image corresponds with my first vision before the transformation I insisted on.

A picture is not thought out and settled beforehand. While it is being done, it changes as one’s thoughts change. And when it is finished, it still goes on changing, according to the mind of whoever is looking at it. A picture lives a life like a living creature, undergoing the changes imposed on us by our life from day to day. This is natural enough, as the picture lives only through the man who is looking at it. […]

When you begin a picture, you often make some pretty discoveries. You must be on guard against these. Destroy the thing; do it over several times. In each destroying of a beautiful discovery, the artist does not really suppress it, but rather transforms it, condenses it, makes it more substantial. What comes out in the end is the result of discarded finds. Otherwise, you become your own connoisseur. I sell myself nothing.

Abstract art is only painting. What about drama?There is no abstract art. You must always start with something. Afterward, you can remove all traces of reality. There is no danger then, because the idea of the object will have left an indelible mark. It is what stirred the artist off, excited his ideas and stirred up his emotions. Ideas and emotions will in the end be prisoners in his work. Whatever they do, they can’t escape from the picture. They form an integral part of it, even when their presence is no longer discernible. Whether he likes it or not, man is the instrument of nature. It forces on him its character and appearance, one cannot go against nature. It is stronger than the strongest man; it is pretty much in our interest to be on good terms with it! We may allow ourselves some liberties, but only in details.

Nor is there any ‘figurative’ and ‘nonfigurative’ art. Everything appears to us in the guise of a ‘figure’. Even in metaphysics, ideas are expressed in the guise of symbolic ‘figures’. See how ridiculous it is then to think of painting without ‘figuration’. A person, an object, a circle are all ‘figures’; they react on us more or less intensely. Some are nearer our sensations and produce emotions that touch our affective faculties, others appeal more directly to the intellect. They should all be allowed a place because I find my spirit has quite as much need of emotion as my senses.

Do you think it concerns me that a particular picture of mine represents two people? Though these two people once existed for me, they exist no longer. The ‘vision’ of them gave me a preliminary emotion; then little by little their actual presence became blurred; they developed into a kind of fiction and then disappeared altogether, or rather they were transformed into all kinds of problems. They are no longer two people, you see, but forms and colors, that have taken on, meanwhile, the idea of two people and preserve the vibration of their life.

The artist is a receptacle for all emotions that come from all over the place; from the sky, from the earth, from a scrap of paper, from a passing shape, from a spider’s web. That is why we must not discriminate between things. Where things are concerned, there are no class distinctions. We must pick out what is good for us where we can find it – except from our own works. I have a horror of copying myself. […]

[..] The painter goes through states of fullness and evaluation. That is the whole secret of art, I go for a walk in the forest of Fontainbleau, I get ‘green’ indigestion. I must get rid of this sensation into a picture. Green rules it. A painter paints to unload himself of feelings and visions.

People seize on painting to cover up their nakedness. They get what they can wherever they ca. In the end I can’t believe they get anything at all. They’ve simply cut a coat to the measure of their own ignorance. They make everything, from God to a picture, in their own image. That is why the picture-hook is the ruination of a painting –a painting always has certain significance, at least as much as the man who did it. As soon as it is bought and hung on a wall, it takes on quite a different kind of significance, and the painting is done for.

Academic training in beauty is a sham. We have been deceived, but so well deceived that we can scarcely get back even a shadow of truth. The beauties of the Parthenon, Venuses, Nymphs, Narcissuses are so many lies. Art is not the application of beauty but what the instinct and the brain can conceive beyond any canon. When we love a woman we don’t start measuring her limbs. We love her with our desires – although everything has been done to try and apply a canon even to love. The Parthenon is really only a farmyard over which someone put a roof; colonnades and sculptures were added because there were people in Atens who happened to be working, and wanted to express themselves. It’s not what the artist does that counts, but what he is. Cezzanne would never have interested me a bit if had lived and through like Jacques Emile Blanche, even if the apple he painted had been ten times as beautiful. What forces out interest if Cezzanne’s anxiety – that’s Cezzanne’s lesson; the torments of Van Gogh –that is the actual drama of the man. The rest is a sham.

Everyone wants to understand art. Why not try to understand the songs of the bird? Why does one love the night, flowers, everything around one, without trying to understand them? But in the case of a painting people have to understand. If only they would realize above all that an artist works of necessity, that he himself is only a trifling bit of the world, and that no more importance should be attached to him than to plenty of other things which please us in the world., though we can’t explain them. People who try to explain things often end up barking at the wrong tree. Gertrude Stein joyfully announced to me the other day that she had finally understood what my picture of three musicians meant to be. It was a still life!

How can you expect an onlooker to live a picture of mine as I lived it? A picture comes to me from miles away, who is to say from how far away I senses it, saw it, painted it; and yet, the next day I can’t see what I’ve done myself. How can anyone enter my dreams, my instincts, my desires, my thoughts, which have taken a long time to mature and to come out into the day light and above all grasp from them what I have been about – perhaps against my own will?

With the exception of few painters who are opening new horizons to painting, young painters today don’t know which way to go. Instead of taking up our researches in order to react clearly against us, they are absorbed with brining the past back to life – when truly the whole world is open before us everything waiting to be done, not just redone. Why cling desperately to everything that has already been fulfilled in terms of its promise! There are miles of painting ‘in the manner of’; but it is rare to find a young man working in his own way.
Does he wish to believe that a man can’t repeat himself? To repeat is to run counter to spiritual laws, essentially escapism.

I am no pessimist; I don’t loathe art, because I couldn’t live without devoting all my time to it. I love it as the only end of my life. Everything I do connected with it gives me intense pleasure. But still, I don’t see why the whole world should be taken up with art, demand its credentials, and on that subject, give free rein to its own stupidity.

Museums are just a lot of lies, and the people who make art their business are mostly imposters. I don’t understand why revolutionary countries should have more prejudices about art than out-of-date countries! We have infected the pictures in museums with all our stupidities, all our mistakes, all our poverty of spirit. We have turned them into petty and ridiculous things. We have tied them up to a fiction, instead of trying to sense what inner life there was in the men who painted them. There ought to be an absolute dictatorship ….a dictatorship of painter….a dictatorship of one painter…to suppress all those who have betrayed us, to suppress the cheaters, to suppress the tricks, to suppress mannerisms, to suppress charms, to suppress history, to suppress a heap of other things. But common sense always gets away with it. Above all, let’s have a revolution against that! The true dictator will always be conquered by the dictatorship of common sense…and maybe not!

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Steve Jobs

The internet is rife with rumours of Steve Jobs dying in 6 weeks. Here is a quote from the man himself at an earlier time on his illnesses and death....

"No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because death is very likely the single best invention of life. It’s life’s change agent; it clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now, the new is you. But someday, not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it’s quite true. Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice, heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become."

He remains a personal inspiration and as Venkat mentioned ystd, even if he is dying, he is going away in his prime, with the world watching. Wish it could end better for him.

Friday, February 18, 2011

At Evening

Let me now sleep, let me not think, let me
Not ache with inconsistent tenderness.
It was untenable delight; we are free--
Separate, equal--and if loverless,
Love consumes time which is more dear than love,
More unreplicable. With everything
Thus posited, the choice was clear enough
And daylight ratified our reckoning.

Now only movement marks the birds from the pines;
Now it's dark; the blinded stars appear;
I am alone, you cannot read these lines
Who are with me when no one else is here,
Who are with me and cannot hear my voice
And take my hand and abrogate the choice.

- Vikram Seth

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Malegam Committee Report – First Thoughts

Death Knell for MFIs or time for transformation?

The much awaited Malegam committee report is finally here. A summary of key recommendations is as below:
• All NBFCs who have more than 90% of their loan portfolio dedicated to “low income borrowers” with loan sizes under Rs 25,000 are to be registered separately as NBFC – MFIs. All recommendations in the report apply only to this category of NBFC MFIs.
• “Low income” borrowers are defined as borrowers who’s annual income is less than Rs 50,000.
• All individual loan sizes are to be restricted to Rs 25,000.
• If the loan amount is less than Rs 15,000, the loan tenure must be minimum 1 year and if the loan amount exceeds Rs 15,000, the tenure must be at minimum 2 years
• Atleast 75% of loans given to be a borrower must be a business loan ie used for income generating purposes
• Interest rate cap of 24% per annum computed on a principal that declines with the loan installment repayment. This assumes a 15% Roe post tax and 3% roa at stable state.
• Maximum interest to be charged must also be capped at borrowing cost + 10% for large MFIs (loan portfolio of over Rs 100 crores) and borrowing cost + 12% for small MFIs
• Loan processing fee cap of 1% of the loan. No other charges allowed
• Only actual cost of insurance to be recovered, no other admin charges to be allowed
• Only 2 MFIs can lend to one borrower. MFIs to self regulate this through credit bureaus to be appointed and monitored by MFIN and Sa-dhan. If MFIs give loans to customers who have 2 loans already, the MFI granting the third loan should have a interest and principal moratorium until the previous loans are repaid
• No more collection at customers premises, only at a centralized location
• If coercive methods are used for recovery, management can be penalized under criminal laws
• AP act to be repealed
• Priority sector status to be removed.
• Entry barriers to new NBFC MFIs in the form of hike in capital requirements to Rs 15 crore from Rs 2 crore
• Social Development Fund to be set up to encourage social sector vcs who expect returns in the range of 10-12%

Key Issues

1. 2 MFIs to a customer: This is a near certain death knoll for the industry. Given that currently, there are more than 10 MFIs chasing customers actively and on an average 4-5 loans per customer, it means that at least one half of the industry needs to be wiped out.

Secondly, this will result into creation of a regulatory created monopolistic scenario with no benefits of any market mechanisms which could have led to interest rate falls. Malegam’s solution is to request banks to come into play with the BC model and also through the set up of more scheduled banks. BC models are yet to take off at the scale expected, and with exception of a few banks such as Axis or Corporation, several others are uninterested – perhaps due to inertia to evolve a new business model with thin margins.

Thirdly, implementation for the 2 MFI to a customer rule has been left to the discretion of the MFIs and credit beureus to be set up by MFIN and Sadhan are expected to address this. This is akin to the general who gives orders to a blind army and then blames the army for defeat. It is the RBI’s job to regulate and Malegam has not come out with any concrete suggestion for implementing any of its suggestions. Inability to verify across customers due to lack of a common field (until UID) remains a critical issue and customers could quite easily register under different names – they usually have inconsistent names and ages across documentation.

2. Transition to higher income customers with higher loan sizes: To ensure survival, most MFIs would try to now set up new entities that target the customers who’s family incomes are more than Rs 50,000 (most urban customers would fall into this bracket) and lend individual loans over Rs 25,000. This will ensure that they will not qualify as NBFC MFIs. There will now be a chase for customers in the Rs 50,000 – Rs 100,000 per annum bracket and individual loans appears to be the new direction for the industry.

In the meantime the industry will need to recover existing loans to make this transition. About Rs 20,000 crores has to be recovered, a large chunk from the sub Rs 50,000 segment. Given that there will be a freeze on new loans, one can start to see mass defaults (as repayment typically happened through refinancing of loans) and also, in the absence of new loans, the customers will not see a need to maintain creditworthiness. This remains an issue. The hope is the news of Malegam does not spread entirely to the field and customers continue to repay, however this is unlikely given that new loans have stopped for almost 2 months now and money lenders in AP have already hiked their rates by 100%. If news spreads, a mass default situation similar to the Muslim issue defaults are likely to happen. Perhaps why VM is mustering a lot of cheer on news channels.

Ofcourse, RBI may get wind of this and arbitrarily issue a circular to increase the annual income from Rs 50,000 to Rs 1,00,000. High degree of regulatory risk remains in the sector as through this report (if accepted as is currently), RBI will have signaled the direction of its thought process towards regulation – which is creation of a duopoly/ monopolistic scenario with very few players which will enable closer regulation. This fundamentally precludes the existence of the 50 odd or so MFIs actively present and the 10,000 others registered.

The market is likely to price a high premium for this risk and have low appetites for the sector. Aint looking so good for the Spandanas and Asmithas and Bandhans looking to IPO over the next couple of years.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Movie Review: The Social Network

This is my first movie review - which is sort of ironic given the post below. A great movie for me is one that pushes the imagination and emotions to its extreme edge such that one is consumed by the experience for days and takes quite some time to get it “out of the system”, so to speak. And every few years, there is always one such movie that is released by creative film makers around the world. The Dark Knight was one such; it took me 3 days of continuous viewing and many days of reading/ talking about it to find peace in the Joker’s outrageous sense of morality. Fight Club was another – a dark, stylish, post modern flick encapsulating our almost programmed participation in a litany of mind less races that have us confusing life for 'stuff'. At the very least, it was a story very crisply told, with great background music, great performances and great direction by David Fincher. His next, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button was quite disappointing in that it had not much to offer by way of story telling and was largely a cosmetic celebration of Brad Pitt’s beauty with some great background scores. Social Network is his next where he has finally replaced Brad Pitt with a fairly interesting ensemble cast and is right up his ally in that it begins at the same place of the story of a loner, who did not fit into society due to his many quirks and his spectacular journey of creating something extraordinary that changed the world as he knew it.

On the face of it, the Social Network is the story of Facebook and its Co-Founders Mark Zuckerberg (Jesse Eisenberg), Eduardo Saverin (Andrew Garfield), Sean Parker (Justin Timberlake) and Dustin Moskovitz. It is also the story of the Winklevoz twins (both played Armie Hammer) who claim to have the original idea which was stolen and implemented by Zuckerberg before they could get around to it. However, the film and its script is much more than that. It is at once an introspective look at morality for our time and age and the real price of ambition. Like the Joker, it takes a dark look at the meaning of human interpersonal reactions albeit within the landscape of business, where money and recognition find weight in gold, corrupting innocent notions of right and wrong that are ingrained in simpler academic worlds. It is a fascinating tale of 2 founders of a path breaking idea; one the genius with the alternate vision – the lateral thinker, the game changer, uncontainable and free spirited, driven only by his creation and what it represents and stands for; and the other, the more restrained voice rooted in business reality looking to make economic sense within the architecture of his friend's creative world. The character etching is fascinating and the film never once passes judgment on the right or the wrong - it simply provides enough information for the viewer to work it within his framework of morality - and even if based on some distorted facts, it is largely representative of the world we live in where choices to do the “right” thing are only understood deep inside inside our consciousness where our hearts whisper it out to us with annoying clarity.

Eduardo Saverin was a consultant for the script and from the very beginning, it is almost impossible to not empathize with his character played by Andrew Garfield. He forms the moral compass, the heart and soul for the film as one of its most likable characters; someone who believed in and paid for a promised ride on a magical highway that would soar into the skies; yet found himself deserted mid way through the journey by the driver who found companionship in suspicious strangers along the way that better spoke his language and better painted his pictures.

Eisenberg is outstanding as Zuckerberg, his eyes and his body language convey the compulsions and isolation of a man at the top that is focused on the drive, on taking his paradigm shifting world view of the world forward, for developing it and ensuring all the values it encapsulated and stood for were never compromised along the way. In achieving this, the film highlights the many difficult personal choices he had to make and Eisenberg while giving the character the necessary geek persona also manages to convey the cold ruthlessness, obsessive and defensive character traits that constitute the backbone of his eventual decisions. Yet he is not completely contemptible, his eyes do reflect just that slightest hint of vulnerability and discomfort of understanding exactly what his actions constitute to his friendships, his defiance of money and moneyed peers make him almost heroic and his excitement at meeting Sean Parker, a man among the isolated few that understood his idiom make him endearing despite not wanting too. Rest of the ensemble cast put in solid performances including the Winklevoz twins and the character that plays Larry Summers who is exceptionally brilliant in his limited scenes.

The story is largely told using a juxtaposition of flashbacks on the creation of facebook and the current legal suits facing its founder from his friends and peers – a story where one does know the eventuality upfront but the unfolding of it is narrated almost like a thriller; a story where despite the geekdom in the dialogues, the film manages to have just enough heart and brilliant music to make it one of the more outstanding films of the past couple of years. It is a film of our times that captures the spirit of a generation that isn’t prepared to wait their turn or pay their dues and instead will make the opportunities for themselves or tear it away from the less ambitious. It’s like a gangster film where the young hoods prove themselves to the older wiseguys by doing something audacious despite breaking all sorts of codes of honour. It’s both admirable and threatening, exhilarating and terrifying. However, in this case, the antiheros aren’t left in jail or dead but are left to endlessly refresh a browser to see if an ex-girlfriend has accepted their friend request.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

The Movies!

I LOVEEEEEEEE the movies!!

I enjoy the whole shindig of movie watching – of popcorns, cola, crowds albeit that in an Indian context, it implies sshing other moviegoers who keep cellphones on chatting incessantly and other talkative sorts who don’t get that the rest of us paid good money to watch the film. I follow a typical movie routine – for English movies check IMDB, rottentomatoes for ratings, for hindi movies – check out Rajeev Masand’s and Raja Sen’s ratings (the sachharine sweet diabetic inducing Taran Adarsh and the rest are completely compromised in my opinion to the various industry camps). If they are good ratings, then I go check out the movie without reading any of the reviews. I hate reading reviews or discussing a movie before watching one – I’d rather to go into it with a complete blank canvas and be encompassed into the entirety of the audio visual ride the movie has set out for us. After the entire experience of the movie has been enjoyed, I come back and scan the net for every available piece of information about the movie – on rottentomatoes, imdb faqs, trivia, other reviews (nytimes), cast and director interviews, wiki on the production, making of movies etc etc….this (esp the review reading part where I love to see how others have experienced the movies, the parts I missed out or the reviewers didn’t get) is one of the greatest joys of the experience. Besides discussing it at length with Venkat, my friend and manic movie lover (by an order of magnitude) who has taken great pains to sensitise me to the various filmmakers, movements in film making and aspects of film making I had never thought of earlier (like camera angles or editing or the role of background music that is in the foreground sometimes, among the million other things); not to mention his timeless and priceless gift of pirated downloaded set of all time best 1000 movies (including IMDB top 500 movies of all time) to ensure I had a visual world to keep me sufficiently occupied while he left the country to see the world. And Vinu, who has an innate ability to quantify any subject matter, however abstruse to a crisp and precise rating on 5.

In some cases, if I don’t feel that I couldn’t capture the entirety of the movie in one viewing, I watch it again. And some times, again and again, 3 days in a row like the Dark Knight. Some of my all time favorite movies are The Fight Club, The Dark Knight, Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind, American Beauty, Shawshank Redemption, A Beautiful Mind and among Indian movies, a lot of the current bunch like Gulal, DevD, Peepli Live, Rang De Basanti, Jab we Met, Taare Zameen Par, Chak De, Sadma, Karthik Calling Karthik etc. Fight Club remains my all time favorite movie and its brilliant director, David Fincher, my all time favorite director - my best paintings have been inspired by Jack, its nameless protagonist which you can find here.

I also enjoy the business of movies and spend a lot of time talking to friends who are insiders, working in production or distribution houses. I check boxofficeindia.com every week, watch komal nahta on etc and bollywood business on zoom to know which film has made how much money. I would love to produce a film one day – there I said it. It is one of those things to do on my bucket list!

So here’s to more reviews of the many memorable movies ahead. I start with the first one, the social network, fittingly by David Fincher.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Drawing...

Found this amazing letter on drawing on the web..

Dear ....

Think less. Draw more.

When you draw a thing, see it just as that. Not a head, not perspective, not crosshatching, just pure observation as if you’ve never seen it before. The more preconceptions you bring to the drawing, the shittier it will be.

Clear your mind, and start drawing what you see. Start anywhere. I tend to start in the upper left hand corner because I am right handed. I move across observing, recording, until I get to the lower left hand corner. Then I am done.

If my subject is sufficiently complex, this will take me a half hour or more. I go as slowly as I can stand to go. But I don’t know how long it is usually; my left-brain has no sense of time.

As I draw, I avoid evaluation. I avoid thinking of the purpose of the drawing. I avoid commenting on what I am drawing, even in the quality of the line. I am empty and the drawing fills me up. Drawing is meditation, not production. Drawing is entirely in the present with no attempt to create context.

Do not think about style. Add shadows as you see them. But better to avoid shadows all together and stay engaged with the contours of things. When you have done that for months, even years, then add shadows and crosshatching (My pal, d.price has been drawing for a dozen years. Only on his trip to New York last week did he decide to start concentrating on the effects of light. He still almost never uses color). For now, none of that is important. What matters is to see deeply and let your hand respond.

And if you start at huge length before you draw, you risk becoming bored, or forming mental notes, theories, ideas about what you are seeing. The reason to let your hand and pen take over is to shut the hell up, silence the internal voice, the endless chattering of the mind, the distractions, the pointless pontificating that insists on meaning for the meaningless. The moment does not need meaning or context. It just is.

Drawing is about reaching for pure being. Not making pretty pictures to put in frames and on websites. The world doesn’t need more pictures. It needs peace and connection. It needs people who can accept reality and don’t feel compelled to control their environments. If you can look at a boot, at a rotting apple, at car’s worn tire, at an old man’s foot, and see it for what it is, without value or judgement, can see the beauty and particularity of the thing, you will find peace. You will avoid being covetous. You will be happy with what you have. You will accept others more readily, will see the sunshine on a cloudy day.

Life is a wonderful business, though fools blow up London tube stations and sell each other crap and waste time with gossip about movie stars. If you can draw, you will always have a place to go that is beautiful and honest and true. As you sit in an airport you will find pleasure in the folds of a crumpled lunch bag. As you bide your time in a doctor’s waiting room, you will find peace in the arrangement of the shadows on the wall. Even without putting ink on paper, you will be able to slip in to Drawing Mind.

The point is not what your lines look like or how accurate your crosshatching might be.
The point is not the drawings on the page or the pages in the book.
The point is not the opinions of others who love/hate/ignore those lines you made on the page.
The point is not the money you make selling your work to galleries or publishers.
The point of practicing your craft is not to rise in the rankings of those who draw. It’s not to have your style dominate (sorry, Dan!).

The point is to more easily gain access to the moment, to the deeper more peaceful recesses of your Self.

The point is to live as well and as fully as you can today, right now, whether your pen is in your hand or not.

The point is to See and to Be.

Sunday, March 08, 2009

Back to Blogging

Its been a long time since I painted. I think, its been a long time since I wrote, blogged or did anything creative. I think ever since I moved to Bangalore, I have not felt isolation. I have not felt the emptiness of space, the need to confront my thoughts in the sharp cacophony of silence. No doubt, I have enjoyed companionship. But I also have a dual need of isolation. I am not clear on how I should manage this. With routine, families, responsibilities - how does one find some time to be truly alone? Travel usually affords some alone time. But I am not clear on how to manage the routine from taking over.

I have enjoyed the last couple of weeks of being alone. Its strange, the first few days were difficult. But I have settled into me, myself and realised how much I have missed this. I feel more centered, more in harmony. So here are the things I promise to do over the next few months:

1. Complete a difficult painting composition. I want to move away from the landscapes and still lives and do something that is compositionally complex.

2. Blog more about thoughts and ideas. I have a theory of equilibrium, I want to write a post on that sometime.

3. Stay focused on the start up. And also write about it.

4. Not get my many complicated relationships get bigger than me. Sometimes, its a lot harder just being female - just way too many nuanced emotions to cope with. I promise to be on top, for once :-)

Hopefully, I will write more on random thoughts and ideas. I have missed this.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

New blog

Hey peoples (those few that still visit this haunted space)...have started a new blog....http://inksmemoirs.blogspot.com/ to document the startup story....
Thanks for visiting and love u all.
Ink

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Pledge at HAL


Women taking a pledge at HAL, Bangalore
"....to improve the lives of our families and children...Khuda Gawah"

More Field Visits

Chamrajpet Chawls


Been travelling in the hot sun all over Bangalore. Have visited slums in Chamrajpet, HAL, Halasuru, Koramangala, Yeshwantpur so far.....large number of field visits remain. No better way to understand the issues of the poor unless one spends a decent amount of time with them. Some more pictures attached. Views on micro finance as a poverty alleviation tool are crystallizing...will put up a post soon....

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Update!!




Quick life update - have joined Ujjivan, an urban micro finance company as the marketing head. Job is to create financially inclusive products for our customers, who are working poor women.
Some pics of my first field visit:

Friday, February 08, 2008

The hill

An old friend from a frozen time sent in this poem.

A : In memory of my wonderful times with you, I am posting this for posterity here. Love.

The Hill

This normative hill
like all others
is transparently accessible,
out there
and in the mind,
not to be missed
except in peril of one's life.
Do not muse on it
from a distance:
it's not remote
for the view only,
it's for the sport
of climbing.

What the hill demands
is a man
with forces flowering
as from the crevices
of rocks and rough surfaces
wild flowers
force themselves towards the sun
and burn
for a moment.

How often must I
say to myself
what I say to others:
trust your nerves—
in conversation or in bed
the rhythm comes.
And once you begin
hang on for life.

What is survival?
What is existence?
I am not talking about
poetry. I am
talking about
perishing outrageously
and calling it
activity.

I say: be done with it.
I say: you've got to love that hill.
Be wrathful, be impatient
that you are not
on the hill. Do not forgive
yourself or other,
though charity
is all very well.

Do not rest
in irony or acceptance.
Man should not laugh
when he is dying.
In decent death
you flow into another kind of time
which is the hill
you always thought you knew.
    -- Nissim Ezekiel

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Packing

Today is one of the last weekends in London. Moving countries can be overwhelming, I discovered. As I was telling a friend, M, earlier, I have moved 8 homes in the last 4 years! And travelled to 15 countries in the last 2 years - Greece, Italy, The Netherlands, Austria, Switzerland, France, England, Wales, Scotland, Spain, Morocco, Sweden, Norway, America and good ol India ! Have taken over 60 flights in 2 years and done the India-London leg alone around 14 times, Lon-NY 3 times, Lon-Paris over 15 times.

Much of the world remains to be seen. I am very keen on doing the Far East, Japan, Cambodia and Africa. Europe now seems largely similar - although each country was unique, I found a common vein running through all and soon there came a degree of predictability on what to expect - however Eastern Europe could be potentially interesting. The travel bug bit and took its pound of flesh, however is now satiated for the moment and hibernating for a bit. The sense of 'hurry' to see the world appears to have calmed down for now and there is a realization that a good part of life remains to see and absorb the rest of our beautiful world.

The last 3 months have been far too overwhelming at work to do any travel or to paint or write anything meaningful or even attempt to play the guitar. It was a tough period of complex negotiations, running the last lap of a very long race, a time when I internalized the identity of a banker - very strange this, only when the end was near did I begin to feel like one. Well, I guess one begins to appreciate only when the time becomes obviously finite. It was also a time of a painter's block, writer's block, music block...basically a creative glut. It is quite interesting how the mind needs such a huge amount of space and a sense of being free emotionally and mentally to be able to observe and create. This is going to be a challenge in the coming months. Entrepreneurship, in its very definition has a strong sense of ownership to the job and in that sense; it is going to be hard to ‘feel free and disengaged' to dissolve into a different kind of a creative space.

My father often reminds me of the need to have a 'primary sense of identity' ie where all other personas are complementary – his distilled words of wisdom to prevent internal chaos and live in harmony. In the past, as a teenager, I have thought of pursing the 'arts' and giving a life to it and many times wondered with an inevitable tinge of regret if it was a right decision to pursue the completely contrarian path of accounting, economics, business and finance. Over time however, it was quite clear that I would not be happy being an observer or a commentator (any art as they say, is after all is a mirror to one self and society). In my head, I wanted to walk the war, 'do', make a difference, however tiny. And I am now quite sold to this idea. So, at the end of one half of a life, after drifting through many worlds, I can say with some certainty that I have 'found'. Only the manner of execution remains to be discovered. So I am glad in retrospect that I did study business and major in finance – IIMA equipped me with enough wings to be able to fly towards a different horizon.

Back to the packing now. Some more statistics - over a hundred books, 20 paintings, a million dvds....in 2 years. In retrospect, how did I find the time to manage all this??? Time sure was intense.....

Happy, happy..to be back. Tra la la ...

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Free Fall

Its a lazy Tuesday morning. The end of my last deal. The beginning of the free fall... Its strange 'not' to have to stress about funds flowing or numbers adding....not to have to manage consultant speak, investor queries, p&l calculations, excel models, markets crashing, spreads widening...all marking the end of one phase of life in the fast lane.

Ystd, I had a long dinner with my vp. 6 glasses of champagne and lots of conversations later...she convinced me, it got no better with time. Work hard for one half of your life in an attempt to buy freedom, to truly do what you want to do, but then spend the next half being bound sub-conciously to a different kind of routine....

Its surreal almost. Have waited for so long for this day, cant believe its actually here.

India, here I come....

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Scared...

Saw lagaan today. Yes, I know. Didnt see this historical movie for so long.

Scared. Having lived a life so far away from rural India, can I return?? Will I be an alien in my own land......?

Can I do anything worthwhile...?

But then, is it worth living without finding out? I want to find out.

Saturday, August 04, 2007

...And one year later!

I have jumped!! From the firm hold of my job as an investment banker at Goldman Sachs International, London into the world of unknown…..following a vague notion of fulfilment …Of hope, love and change. Of a desire to contribute, to make that bit, however tiny, of difference. It is an open wide field with infinite paths of various colors…I am now only familiar with the shades that I will choose, the definitive path is yet to be discovered.

I have resigned this week from GS and taken the plunge. I will be returning to Bangalore, India by first week of September and looking around for a bit. Spending some time rediscovering roots. With this ends my time as a hard nosed banker. I have had a most interesting peek into this very exciting, even if void world. It has been a world so contrasted to the one in my thoughts, that I have often felt quite external to it…like watching a movie – a passiveness. Have seen big games played out at close quarters. Have travelled, met the most interesting people and made many friendships. Worked the 120 hour weeks. Complex analysis, tougher negotiations. All in a world where to optimise is to dehumanise.

I didn’t anticipate the smell of freedom would be so delicately sweet. It feels light and truly joyous!!!!

I am finally free.

Monday, May 28, 2007

My new guitar!!!!!!!!





The Fender Stratocaster.....a dream guitar!

Friday, May 25, 2007

Sleeping with Others

A beautiful poem by Stephen Dunn, Pulitzer Prize winner, 2001.

Sleeping With Others

Because memory and its intrusive nostalgias
lie down with us,
it helps to say we love each other,

each declaration a small erasure, the past
for a while reduced to a trace,
the heart's palimpsest to a murmur.

Still, our solitudes are so populated
that sometimes after sex
we know it's best to be quiet -

time having instructed us in the art
of the unspoken,
of in the sufficient eloquence

of certain sighs. Regret shows up
unpredictably,
sleeping with, but never between us.

Like joy it doesn't stay long, quickly tiring
of the language
used in its name, wanting only itself.

We've made this bed. We're old enough
to know sorrow may visit
now and then, and that the world slides in

at will - ugly, dark, confident it belongs.
Nothing to do but let it
touch us, allow it to hurt, and remind